Want to build a culture of honor and unity in your home? It is possible to kick out dishonor and disunity from your home and exchange it for joy, laughter, unity, peace, and honor. We’re going for the exchange here! So PUSH PLAY to watch how you can build a culture of honor and unity in your home.
WHAT DISHONOR AND DISUNITY LOOK LIKE IN YOUR HOME
Let me share with you a list of ways dishonor and disunity can be showing up in your home perhaps without you even realizing it.
Disrespect, constant criticism and complaining, trying to change others, neglect, blame, comparing with others, negative or derogatory name calling, outburst of anger, unforgiveness and bitterness are all signs of dishonor and unity.
Causing emotional pain and leaving someone out of decision making. Making your spouse, children career, ministry, hobbies, money, body, health, or your reputation your “god,” your idol.
Pride, stubbornness, control, refusal to give eye contact, giving a cold shoulder, demeaning tones, being judgmental and self-righteous. If any of these are in your home or in your life, they are instruments of dishonor and disunity.
Expecting perfection while not being perfect yourself, accusing, not letting another person speak, interrupting others, not listening, rejecting others opinions, shutting down and refusing to speak, holding back physical affection, withholding sex from your spouse as a weapon against them, lust, pornography, sexual violation before marriage, adultery, physical or sexual abuse.
Wow! What a list!
These ways of dishonor and disunity apply not just to your home but also in your workplace, church, and school.
decide to build a culture of honor and unity in your home
It’s time to break multi-generational, dysfunctional home lives. Do we even know what it looks like to be honoring and unified inside the family home? There’s an ongoing attack to break up families and to cause disunity among us.
You can decide today to say, “No more. I choose inside the four walls of my home, to nurture an atmosphere, a culture, of honor and unity.”
To do that, you’ve got to do it God’s way.
God’s way is to “Walk with all humility and gentleness, with patience, showing forbearance (patient self-control, tolerance) to one another in love. Being diligent to preserve the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace.” Ephesians 4:2-3
Honor is holding a person with a great respect no matter how far they have fallen or messed up remembering that we all have messed up.
Honor is giving more than most, even if no one else gives or does as much as you do. It’s not about the other person, it’s about my heart, your heart, in obedience to Jesus and what He tells you to do.
Honor is staying patient, being gentle, and treating one another in love.
That’s how you build honor and unity in your home. Instead of the attitude of, I’ll do just enough to get by or I can manipulate or criticize or blame or demean my spouse or kids when they don’t do what I want them to do or behave how I want them to behave.
God’s way says, Do not speak against one another. James 3:11
Do not complain against one another that you yourselves may not be judged. James 5:9
The tongue is important. What you speak with your tongue matters.
With it we bless our Lord and Father; and with it we curse men who have been made in the likeness of God. From the same mouth come both blessing and cursing. My brethren, these things ought not to be this way. James 3:9-11
Honor means to work it out. Of course we won’t always agree. Of course we’ll have opposing viewpoints.
Honor and unity means that you let your spouse or your child speak and share their opinion or perspective. You actually listen with a heart that wants to understand where they are coming from, and you take time to consider what they have to say.
Communicate well and try to get all the facts. Before you make a judgment or conclusion, ask, Do I understand everything here? Do I have all the facts? Can I see it from their viewpoint? Those are good questions.
Men revile the things which they do not understand. Jude 1:10
A sign of maturity is to get all the facts instead of grumbling, finding fault, judging or speaking wrongly of someone.
Honor and unity means working together as one, sharing the load. The culture in your home is that helping is just what we do around here. In fact, it’s a fun game to outdo each other with honor. When was the last time you tried to outdo each other with honor? That’s a good challenge.
How good and how pleasant it is for brothers to dwell together in unity! It is like a precious oil upon the head. Psalm 133:1-2
you are responsible for you, mama
Now, I know you’re saying, “But Kimberly, my spouse always…. But Kimberly, my kids never….”
I know. I know, but at the end of the day, you are responsible for you, and how you think, what you say, and how you respond. That’s it.
Your spouse is responsible for themselves. Your children are responsible for themselves.
Now you can groom your children, you can teach them what it means to honor. You can talk to your spouse. I’m sure you already have.
You can say to your children:
- You honor your brother or sister when you tidy the bedroom you share.
- We work together as a family when we put dirty dishes in the dishwasher, put dirty laundry in the laundry basket, or flush the toilet when we are done.
- We honor each other by letting one person talk at a time, not interrupting their story.
Give your children the Speak Life Badges sticker award that says “I am Honoring” as you encourage or reward them for honoring. The script suggests what you can say to help them learn to let one person talk at a time, to honor by answering back in a respectful way, to honor by not gossiping, and to honor by stopping gossip.
You can say to your husband:
- I feel honored when you ask to help in the kitchen. I enjoy your company and your help lightens my load.
- I feel honored when you help out with the children. I’m grateful for our unity in parenting. I love our family. I respect you.
your home is full of honor and unity
Remember that list of ways dishonor and disunity is showing up in your home? Let’s have a little fun and turn that list around. Let’s list all of the opposites to the dishonor and disunity and speak that out over our homes.
In our homes,
- We respect each other. We celebrate and cheer each other on for our own personalities and unique ways of doing things.
- We pay attention to each other’s needs. We honor each other’s feelings.
- Our home is full of joy, laughter, peace, forgiveness and fun.
- We share in the decision making, giving each person, even the children a chance to speak and to share their thoughts and suggestions when appropriate. We consider those thoughts and suggestions before we make a final decision.
- We are grateful for our spouses, our children, our career or business, the ministries and charities we get to serve in, our hobbies, and the money we earn to enjoy and be generous with. We are grateful for our strong bodies and health to do God’s work each day. However, God is our one true God.
- We are humble. We smile and look each other in the eyes, we listen, we appreciate, and give grace because we understand that no one is perfect. We are all learning and growing.
- We guard what comes in to our home keeping a high standard in the movies we watch, the music we listen to, the books we read, and the clothing we wear.
Now that’s a list to go by. Wouldn’t you agree?
need parenting help, mama? get coached
Mama, if you need help with building a culture of honor and unity in your home, I can help. I am so excited to tell you that Renewed Mama Coaching is now available.
You and I can now hop on a coaching chat together and talk through your specific frustrations, what you’ve already tried that isn’t working, and what you can try instead. We’ll go fruit to root together and help you to think right, to speak right, and to respond right the next time you are triggered.
You don’t have to do it alone. It is so much better working through it together.
Book your coaching sessions here. There are two parent coaching packages available and special bonuses waiting for you. Book two sessions to get you started and your deepest concern answered right away. You know, the thing that keeps you up at night and keeps you frustrated as a Mama.
Or go all in with five sessions where we can go deeper with what you are thinking, speaking, and how you are responding. With the five sessions, you’ll receive a Speak Life Badges sticker award book to help you to speak right and respond right to your children in a fun with way using the sticker badges.
Let’s get started together today. Book your coaching sessions here.
