Can’t stop the negativity in your home? Do you catch yourself saying, “Whooo! The tone and atmosphere in my home is so negative!” Perhaps you or your spouse or both of you are negative and now the kids are negative and mean to each other.
How do you remove the negativity from your home? How do you calm down the emotional atmosphere and help everyone to think and speak kinder words to themselves and to each other?
On today’s episode of the Renewed Mama podcast, we’re answering this Mama’s question who wrote:
“The tone and atmosphere of my home is extremely negative. My husband and I tend to be on the more negative side but I do try to temper that and encourage lots. My 5 kids ages 2-11 are very negative in their thoughts and with each other. I’m looking for some tips on helping them learn to shift their thoughts and calm down the emotional atmosphere of the home. I’m also looking for very short, simple, scriptural affirmations and words of life to speak over them and to them.”
If you’re saying, “That’s my home, too!” then this episode is for you. If you know of someone else whose home is like this, share this episode with them. I’m going to share loads of practical things that you can start doing today, Mama, so grab a pen and paper. You’ll want to take notes.
The tone and atmosphere in my home is extremely negative.
Mama, Daddy, you set the tone, the atmosphere in your home.
What you allow in your home whether that is negativity or other attitudes such as strife, an argumentative spirit, trying to one up the other person, insisting on having the last word, whining and complaining, disrespect, or the opposite which is good like peace, joy, laughter, understanding, grace, forgiveness, actually communicating, thinking of others first, sharing, respecting, gratitude, patience, and kind words will take up residence there. It’ll move right in unless you are vigilant to kick it out and keep it out.
So you’re acknowledging that the tone and atmosphere in your home is extremely negative.
Are you serious about kicking it out and keeping it out? Good bye negativity! Don’t come back now, you hear?
My husband and I tend to be on the negative side.
Tell me how come your husband and you tend to be on the negative side? Because this is a choice. This has become your default response.
Remember that what you demonstrate, your children will mirror or copy. You are the adult. You are their example. They are looking to you which is why you are noticing that your “5 kids ages 2-11 are very negative in their thoughts and with each other.”
So what is at the root of your negativity?
I encourage you to go fruit to root here. On the tree of your life and your home, the fruit is negativity. Your tree keeps growing negativity. The fruit is rotten and it’s dropping all over your children.
You can chop the tree down, but that’s not really solving the problem because the roots are still there. As hard as it is to believe, a tree can eventually grow from a stump back into a full sized tree.
You’ve got to deal with the roots. So go all the way to the root of why you and your husband choose to be negative.
Was that the example in both of your homes growing up?
Have you had some hard things happen in life and that has dimmed your hope or optimism?
Has someone, could be more than one, let you down?
Do you have a critical or judgmental spirit?
Are you a perfectionist and put yourself and others down if things aren’t just right?
Take time even now to pause this episode right where you are and ask yourself, ask God, “What is at the root of my negativity? Why is that my default response?”
“When did I begin to allow negativity to take up residence in my life? When did I begin making agreement with it?”
Tell me in the comments what you discover. We can learn from each other.
I also encourage you to listen to or watch the video podcast Episode 38 Going Fruit to Root where I talk more about how you look at the fruit in your life and trace it all the way back to the root cause and how you can uproot it and replace it with the right things in your life.
Renounce and Replace it
Now once you’ve discovered the root of your negativity, it’s time to decide if you will continue to partner with it. Will you continue to let it live in you? Or are you ready to reject it, to kick it out, and to no longer partner with it?
If you’re ready to kick it out, you do these two things….1) Renounce it and 2) Replace it.
I say this as a prayer to God.
Renounce it by saying, “I see you, spirit of negativity.” Call it for what it is. “I am not partnering with you and I send you back (back to hell where you belong).”
Then replace it by saying, “Forgive me, Father God, for partnering with negativity.”
“I hand You any lies I am believing about (your past experiences, your parents, whatever you discovered was at the root of your negativity). I hand You any lies I am believing about…..”
“I invite You to release abundant joy, laughter, fun, positivity, and a hope filled perspective in me and in my home. Fill my life, my thoughts, and our home with abundant joy, laughter, fun, positivity, and hope for our future.”
A spirit of negativity is from satan, the father of lies. What you are asking God to do here is to replace the spirit of negativity which you’ve kicked out, to replace it with God’s truth which is joy, laughter, fun, positivity, and a hope filled perspective, the opposite of negativity.
Then say, “Thank you, God.”
Don’t rush away in this moment. Take time to listen to God. Put on worship music. Meditate on Scripture. Hang up verses around your house that remind you and your family to choose joy, laughter, positivity, and hope.
Set in your ways for a long time
Now remember, Mama, you’ve been “set in your ways for a long time.” You used to have the habit or be in the rut of negativity. Not anymore because you just renounced it and asked God to replace it with abundant joy, laughter, fun, positivity, and a hope filled perspective.
But every day going forward when you once would have chosen negativity, you need to intentionally choose joy, laughter, fun, positivity, and a hope filled perspective instead. He will help you, but you have to choose it.
It will take effort and intention on your part to stop and say, “No, no, negativity. I will not partner with you again. I choose joy in this moment. I look for the good in this situation.”
Will you do that? Will you be that intentional?
Ask for forgiveness
Now this Mama asked for some tips on helping her children learn to shift their thoughts and calm down the emotional atmosphere in their home.
The #1 thing you do….this is of utmost importance…is to ask for forgiveness from your children.
Have this conversation with all of your children, even the 2 year old.
Say, “Mommy and Daddy have come to learn that we have been negative. We have allowed a spirit of negativity into our home and into our hearts. Like a guest that has stayed for a very long time.”
“Hey, what if one spider comes into our home and we don’t kill it. Then two spiders come in. 3, 4, 5 come in and we don’t kill them. Before we know it, spiders are taking over our home! Gross! Would you want to live here if the house was full of spiders?!”
“Well, that’s what Daddy and I have allowed with negativity. We let it creep in one by one until it has taken over. We should have squished it right away the first time it tried to come in, but we didn’t. Now we want to change that.”
“So please forgive us. We have shown you or demonstrated to you that it is OK to be negative. That it is OK to be mean and negative in your thoughts and with each other. We were wrong. It is not OK. We need to change this for our family.”
“We are asking all of you to help us and to work together as a family to squish or kick out negativity from our home. We’re going to do it together. We’re going to throw out bad attitudes, whining, and complaining. And we’re going to choose joy, laughter, kindness, thankfulness, patience, and love instead. Would you like to have more joy, more laughter, kindness, thankfulness, patience for each other, and love in our home?”
How to calm the emotional atmosphere in your home
Be NEGATIVE DETECTORS
We’re going to be negative detectors, just like a metal detector. Anytime we catch ourselves being negative, we’ll go “Beep, beep, beep,” stop, and dig out the negativity. Whatever is making us upset or feel like complaining, or angry with each other. “Beep, beep, beep,” stop, and dig out the negativity.
“Instead we’re going to smile, choose joy, think of something we are thankful for, and most of all get help from Mommy or Daddy to fix whatever is making you feel negative in your thoughts and in your actions until you can fix it on your own.”
Mama, actually go, “Beep, beep, beep” when YOU start to feel negative. Actually pretend to dig up the feeling and say it out loud as an example to your children.
“Beep. Beep. Beep. Mommy is feeling frustrated right now. There are so many dishes in the sink and the dishwasher is full and wasn’t turned on. I am going to dig out this frustration and choose joy instead. I’m so glad that I have a dishwasher. And that we have dishes to eat on.”
Acting this out and saying it out loud is a great teaching moment. It’ll make it easier for your children to understand how you are rooting out negativity and replacing it with the truth. Make it fun! So be a negative detector.
You can also form BATTLE LINES.
Get all of your kids to stand up, line up, and link arms like in a battle line.
Now have one person try to fall down in the middle of the line. It pulls on everyone else unless they stand strong and pull that fallen person back up to standing.
Tell your family that you are going to do this together and help each other to grow and to replace negativity with joy, laughter, good attitudes, etc.
No one is alone in this. It’s not just Mommy and Daddy working now to be positive. Everyone is in this together with arms linked replacing negativity with joy, laughter, and good attitudes.
Tell them, “I give you permission. If you see negativity in me, say ‘Beep, Beep, beep.’ This will remind me that I’m choosing negativity and I’ve got to stop and replace it with joy, laughter, and a good attitude.”
If Mommy goes down (still in your line up with arms linked and you fall down), we all go down. If Daddy goes down (he falls down), we all go down. We do not want to keep giving in to negativity, do we?
As you are consistent in this, working together, giving grace upon grace, giving time and patience to uproot the old habit, the old choice of negativity, and replacing it with joy, peace, kindness, respect, you will see change. Your family will be better because of it.
You just have to be willing to do the work.
I encourage you to have your husband listen to or watch this video podcast so that he is on the same page in all of this. You must be united in this family change of rooting out negativity and replacing it with abundant joy, laughter, fun, positivity, and a hope filled perspective.
Say to him, “I’ve been sensing a lot of negativity in our home, especially in me. And I’m seeing it in the children being negative in their thoughts and toward each other. Have you been noticing that?”
“I’ve listened to a great podcast that shares some practical things we can do and say to help root negativity out of our home. We could sure use a lot more joy, laughter, fun, and positivity in here, don’t you think? Would you be open to listening to it or watching it?”
Scriptures to stop negativity
One last thing this Mama asked help for: Very short and simple scriptural affirmations and words of life to speak to and over her children to help them shift their thoughts and calm down the emotional atmosphere in the home.
Hang these verses around the house, on the fridge, bathroom mirror. Memorize them. Here we go:
James 5:9 Do not complain or groan against one another, that you yourselves may not be judged.
Ephesians 4:29 ICB When you talk, do not say harmful things. But say what people need – words that will help others become stronger.
Proverbs 17:14 The beginning of strife is like letting out water. So I abandon or quit the quarrel before it breaks out.
I Peter 4:8 Love each other deeply, letting love cover a multitude of sins.
Award your children with Speak Life Badges to celebrate them learning to kick out or squish negativity. When you see them being kinder and more respectful in their words or actions toward each other, give them a Speak Life Badge.
I bless you, Mama. May you be reignited with hope that you can be done with all the negativity once and for all because these suggestions you can actually do in your home in order to get change, get more joy, fun, laughter and positivity which you’ve been wanting so much but didn’t know how to make happen.
Before you go, which one are you going to start doing today? Are you going to stomp out the SPIDERS of negativity? Are you going to be NEGATIVE DETECTORS? Or BATTLE LINE strong? Tell me in the comments below. I’d love to hear from you.