Have you ever wondered or been confused about if or when you should discipline or correct your child? Do you feel like you are always correcting your child? Saying, “Stop that. No more hitting. Are you bothering your sister again? Keep it down. Stop running!”
You know that you need to discipline but you want to do it positively, in a way that your child will actually receive and obey without squishing their spirit. And you want to keep calm and in control yourself even though sometimes it’s annoying how many times you need to correct them for the same thing.
If that’s you, then I invite you to push play to this episode, Mama! I am sharing three behaviors that you must discipline or correct your child for. Only three! The rest you can let go of.
DISCIPLINE OR CORRECT Your Child FOR DELIBERATE DisoBEDIENCE
The first behavior that you should discipline and correct your child for is deliberate disobedience. When you give or have given your child clear directions to not do something and they deliberately disobey, then you discipline.
For example, you told them not to play in the puddles because they are in their Sunday best and you are on your way to Grandma’s big 70’th birthday party celebration, and you turn around and find them splashing in all of the puddles on the driveway, that is disobedience.
They knew your request to not jump in the puddles. They understood the direction and they understood why not to play in the puddles. But they did it anyway. So you correct or discipline their disobedience.
What can that correction look like?
Stop yourself before you shout, “What are you doing in the puddles? I told you not to. Come over here, right now.” Haven’t we all responded this way? Or am I the only one?
Go over to them and their puddles and calmly say, “These puddles were just calling your name, weren’t they, __child’s name__? Puddles are so fun to jump in. But we are on our way to Grandma’s birthday party in your finest clothes. Did Mommy tell you not to jump in the puddles? How come you chose to disobey Mommy’s directions and jump in the puddles?”
All of this is important.
- You did not go angry or shout across the yard for them to come here right now, shaming them.
- You connected with them with understanding that kids love jumping in puddles and puddle jumping is fun!
- But the balls in their court. Even though they knew the directions, they chose to disobey.
They may not be able to tell you why or how come they still chose to disobey. Depending on their age, they may not be able to put into words yet why they do something.
And sometimes, they actually don’t think first. They just say, “Puddles!” Because play is their priority. Understanding this helps you have more grace instead of saying, “What were you thinking?” They weren’t thinking, Mama. They were just being kids.
That’s part of our guiding them as parents to understand being given directions, remembering the directions, and choosing to follow the directions because they remember the reason why or the possible consequences should they disobey.
DISCIPLINE OR CORRECT Your Child FOR Dishonor
The second behavior you should discipline or correct your child for is dishonor. When your child dishonors or disrespects another sibling, a friend or cousin, a classmate or you, that needs to be corrected. This could be through silly teasing that actually hurts their sibling’s feelings.
This dishonor could be hitting, breaking a toy, name calling, blame shifting, interrupting another child when they are talking, arguing back…you know what dishonor looks like in your home.
Dishonor is not acceptable in your home. It needs to be corrected.
When one sibling has hurt another through dishonor, guide them in saying, “Please forgive me. I dishonored you by breaking your toy.” Use the words, “I dishonored you by…”
Let the other child share their hurt and then help them to learn to forgive by saying, “I forgive you. I bless you and I release you.” Meaning I’m not going to stay angry with you and hold it against you.
This is a tender moment. It’s important as a family to hear hurts and to sincerely try to make it right. To learn how our actions and words can hurt those we love the most. And when we mess up, we make it right.
Maybe they didn’t know that it was dishonor. You can say, “You may not have known that it was dishonor and would hurt your sister’s feelings, but now you know. It is disrespectful.”
If you haven’t listened to last week’s episode called Building a Culture of Honor and Unity in Your Home – Renewed Mama Podcast Episode 60, go back and listen or watch because I shared a list of ways dishonor and disunity could be showing up in your home without you even realizing it. And I talked about how you can build a culture of honor and unity in your home.
DISCIPLINE OR CORRECT Your Child FOR HaVING A Bad Attitude
The last behavior to discipline or correct your child for is Bad Attitude. Bad attitudes show up as complaining, whining, “O come on, Mom, do I have to?!”
Their heart attitude matters whether that’s in helping around the house, doing their chores, waiting for a younger sibling when they just want to run ahead, when they are waiting for your help.
When they are frustrated with their school work and want to give up, their attitude and the character built around that frustration and it’s too hard is more important than actually understanding the fractions or division.
Say, “Would you like to try that again, this time choosing a good attitude? This time choosing patience?”
“Would you like to try that again, this time choosing to unload the dishwasher out of love and a willingness to help keep the household running with clean dishes for our next meal?”
Their heart attitude matters. Correct your child when they choose a bad attitude.
need parenting help, mama? get coached
Mama, if you need help with building a culture of honor and unity in your home, I can help. I am so excited to tell you that Renewed Mama Coaching is now available.
You and I can now hop on a coaching chat together and talk through your specific frustrations, what you’ve already tried that isn’t working, and what you can try instead. We’ll go fruit to root together and help you to think right, to speak right, and to respond right the next time there is disobedience, dishonor, or bad attitudes in your home.
You don’t have to do it alone. It is so much better working through it together.
Book your coaching sessions here. There are two parent coaching packages available and special bonuses waiting for you. Book two sessions to get you started and your deepest concern answered right away. You know, the thing that keeps you up at night and keeps you frustrated as a Mama.
Or go all in with five sessions where we can go deeper with what you are thinking, speaking, and how you are responding. With the five sessions, you’ll receive a Speak Life Badges sticker award book to help you teach your children to honor, obey, and choose good attitudes in a fun way with sticker awards for kids.
Let’s get started together today. Book your coaching sessions here.