Messing up your kids? No mom is perfect. You know that, but do you still feel like you are failing your children? You look at other moms and they seem to have it all together, so why can’t you?
Let me be the mama who tells you that you are not alone in this concern that you are messing up your kids. You are not the only one who has felt like they are failing their children. Having these concerns and feeling this way means that you care. You want to do everything you can to see your children succeed.
However, constantly feeling like you are failing and messing up your kids is draining. It makes you second guess your mom intuition and steals your joy.
I’m here to help you to gain a strong mom mindset so that you stop feeling like a failure, you are OK with imperfection, and you enjoy being Mom. Push play to this episode.
No More Feeling Like You Are Messing Up Your Kids
Answer these five questions to help you get clear on the mom you are and the mom you want to grow to be. It is best to write your answers down to each of these questions.
1. As a mom, what about being a mom is important to you? Write down the things that you value or feel are a priority to you as a mom. (minute 3:11)
2. What do you like about being a mom? What brings you joy and makes you smile even in the hard moments? (minute 3:40)
3. What don’t you like about being a mom? What can’t you stand doing around the house that would be better if you hired it out or taught the kids to take on that task or just didn’t do it at all? (minute 3:52)
4. Write down the things that you want to do as a mom with your children and for your children? What things do you want to do as a mom for yourself? (minute 4:09)
5. When you were a kid, how did you envision mom life to be? What did you think made a mom, a good mom? Are those ideas still true? Or is mom life totally different from your kid perspective? (minute 4:33)
By asking yourself these questions, the goal or the outcome is that you have your own true-to-you benchmark or a metric for the mom you are and the mom you want to be.
Why do You Feel like You are Messing Up Your Kids?
Now, let’s go deeper with understanding who you are as a mom, the mom you enjoy being, and the kind of mom you want to be because remember we are all growing. Go back to the answers you wrote down for each question and ask Why? or How come?
For each answer you wrote, ask Why? or How Come? until you can’t think of anything else left to say. Doing this exercise of asking Why? or How Come? again and again helps you go from the fruit all the way down to the root so that you understand the reasons why it is a value to you or a priority as a mom.
No One but You Get to Decide if You are Failing as a Mom
What I have come to realize is that no one else gets to decide for you if you are failing as a mom.
Social media isn’t the standard for a great mom unless you let it dictate your image of a “good mom”? The in-laws might voice their opinions, but at the end of the day, you and your husband decide what is right for your children and your family living inside the four walls of your home.
So will you take time today or tomorrow, don’t wait long after listening or watching this episode, to sit down with these questions and answer them? You will be amazed at the gift it is to get clear on the answers to these five questions along with the Why or How Come?
Journal your thoughts. Then look back over your answers to the questions you wrote. Circle the most important things to you or the thoughts that show up repeatedly. Those are what you value the most. That’s what you focus on.
Then I encourage you to turn them into I AM (present tense) statements to help you keep your mind renewed to what is a value and a priority to you.
Most Important Thing to Remember
What you believe, meaning your thoughts, and what you say again and again, out loud or to yourself, is more important than what you do.
I know that we care about how we respond to ourselves, our husbands, and our children. But what you believe, your thoughts, and what you say again and again, is more important than what you do.
Having your own true-to-you benchmark or standard for the mom you are and the mom you want to grow to be will keep you focused and steady and thinking right.
Even when you scroll through social or chat over tea in your mom’s group, you are clear on the kind of mom you are and the mom you are growing to be, and you can confidently say, “That’s great for her, but this is me. That is great for their family, but this is what’s right for my family.”
The next time the thought that you are failing or messing up your kids creeps back into your mind, you can say, “This is the kind of mom I am,” and pull out your “I am” statements.
If the day turns chaotic, you can say, “I did the best I could today. Tomorrow will be better. Here’s what I am thankful for about today.” Then remind yourself of your “I Am” statements.
The biggest work you will do each day is to work on your thoughts and your perspective.
Knowing who you are and the kind of mom you want to be is how you keep the right perspective. It’s how you have a strong mom mindset.
NOW IT’S YOUR TURN
Now it’s your turn to share in the comments your answers to the questions I asked. What about being a mom is important to you? Share what you like about being a mom and what don’t you like. Tell us the things you want to do as a mom. I’d love to hear your answers. Share them in the comments.
Mama, if you need any help with answering these questions and evaluating the mama you are and the mom you want to grow to be, I am here for you.
Do you need help to stop being negative or critical of your children, your husband, and yourself? If only you could be more positive instead of shouting all the time and focusing on all of the things they don’t do?
If your hand is raised, then go now to renewedmamacoaching.com. When you go to Renewed Mama Coaching and book your first coaching session you’ll get thirty minutes one to one just you and me focusing on exactly what you need.
You’ll leave our chat having let go of what’s holding you back and equipped with one or two practical things that you can do right away to fix your biggest struggle. You’ll get renewed thoughts, words, and responses to help you be confident, consistent, and proud of your parenting.
Your parenting, the peace in your home, better relationships with your children, less outbursts and temper tantrums, a strong, and a positive mom mindset can be made new in you this year.
Get it by going to Renewed Mama Coaching and booking your first coaching session now.