Are you praying for more patience with the kids? 

Do you feel like this Mama who said, “I hope every day not to lose my patience, but I do and I feel guilty about it.  I apologize and tell my daughter why it happens.  I’ve been praying for more patience, but it has not helped much so far.” 

If you have one child or many children, it’s safe to say that you have lost your patience at one point or another.  We all have, and that’s OK. It shows you are human.

But you are here because you are transforming into a Renewed Mama who each day chooses to think right, to speak right, and to respond right.  And when your patience is tried, you can respond right. I believe that about you.  Push play to this episode of the Renewed Mama Podcast and let’s talk how.

The Problem was ME

When I think back to all the times I’ve lost my patience with my children in my thirteen years now of parenting, it comes down to two letters – M-E, Me.

Totally selfish I know, but losing my patience actually had little to do with my children.  You’re thinking, No, way, Kimberly!  What are you talking about?

Hear me out.  Yes, it may have been that one child was asking again and again refusing to accept my “NO” and I got annoyed and lost my patience.

Sure, two siblings seemed to be fighting all day and I lost my patience and shouted, “Can’t you just get along with each other.”

Yes, I wanted potty training to go quickly and smoothly and after a while the accidents got pretty annoying to clean up.  I ran out of patience and went back to diapers several times with three toddlers.

But when I got to the root of my impatience, it was ME at the heart of the problem.

I was feeling pressure.   Back in those early parenting days, we had financial struggles, were down to one salary, new house, new car, and I was trying to grow a real estate business.  We weren’t communicating well in our marriage.  I was stressed and tired.  No one is at their best when they are mom tired. 

And I felt like “I didn’t have time for this child behaving this way.”  Ever said that before?  “I don’t have time for this.”

But the children and how they behaved was just the trigger that brought the impatience up and out of me into shouting and annoyance and frustration. 

I took it out on them.  That’s what leads to guilt.  “I hope every day not to lose my patience, but I do and I feel guilty about it.”  If you stop to examine your heart and your life long enough, it’s not your children that is at the heart of your impatience.

Ask Yourself the Hard Question

So I ask you the hard question, “Could your impatience be rooted in the same things as it was for me?”

What pressures or expectations do you have for yourself either known or unrealized yet?

Must the house be kept in perfect condition all the time? 

Do you need to be in control and when they behave in a way that you don’t know how to handle, you don’t like it?

Or you’ve tried everything you know to do with your child, but it doesn’t seem to work.  What more can you do, so you lose patience?

In that moment when you feel yourself beginning to lose your patience…stop and say, “Don’t take this out on them.  What is actually going on here? In what area of my life am I feeling pressure or stress?” 

Breathe.  Say, “I can choose patience right now.  I choose patience.  I am patient.”

Not Parenting Well

You may be losing your patience again and again because of not parenting well, not training your children well.

Don’t hear me wrong.  You are a great Mama.  You are doing the best you can with the knowledge you have.  We all are, and we love our children dearly.  But we don’t know what we don’t know. 

And maybe you just haven’t trained or taught your children well enough and that ends up trying your patience. 

Maybe you expect them to just know what you know.

Maybe you expect them to see you doing it, and so they should just know to do it, too.  You know, follow in your example. 

Maybe you think that you should only have to tell them once and they’ll just remember.

Maybe you just expect them to see the toys on the floor or the dirty clothes and just pick them up without being asked.

Totally unrealistic  I know!  But this is how I used to think.  Honest!  Now you know why I lost my patience a lot!

Do you need help like I needed help to teach my children how to listen the first time.  To say, “Yes, Mommy” as a way to acknowledge that they heard me. 

To stop what I was doing, to look them in the eyes, to smile, to give them one direction at a time instead of being the whirlwind that ran around the house shouting orders.

To see a need and lend a helping hand without being asked.  That all takes training or grooming.  I needed that parenting help.

Or else we will train our children to not listen until we count to three or until we shout or until we tell them five times that it’s time to go and practically have to drag them out the door.   Or to keep nagging us because we nagged them.  All that poor training leads to us losing our patience.  It’s not a happy time when we do.  It just causes a lot of strife.

So in what areas do you need to give more training to your children?

Need Parenting Help?

Mama, do you need parenting help?  You do lose your patience and feel guilty about it afterwards.  You’ve tried everything and nothing is working with your children.  You don’t know what is the right way to respond.  Reach out to me HERE. We’ll hop on a zoom chat and get you the answers you are praying for you so that you don’t need to keep apologizing to your children for losing your patience.

The Best Gift is to Apologize

By the way, I’m so proud of this Mama for apologizing to her children when she lost it.  One of the best gifts you can give your children is to say, “I’m sorry.  I messed up.  Mommy lost her patience.  Not because of you, but because of something Mommy is working through or feeling inside.   Please forgive me.  It was not right of me to take it out on you.”

Hug and make it right with them.  Forgiveness and reconciliation is a beautiful gift that shows honor and a sincere desire for peace and unity in your home.

Mama is Your High Calling

I want to bless you Mama.  You’ve been called, Mama.  That’s a high calling.  Walk in a manner worthy of your calling with all humility and gentleness, with patience, bearing with one another in love.  Be diligent to preserve the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace.  Ephesians 4:2

You can do this by stopping when you feel your impatience rise up.

Ask: What is actually going on here?   What pressures or frustrations am I feeling right now? 

Or ask:  Do we need more training here?  How have I not taught them well enough to____?  You fill in the blank.

Celebrate when You Stay Patient

Give yourself a high five, do a little party dance, or eat a piece of chocolate when you stay patient with your children.  Celebrate, Mama, because the little wins become more and more often until losing your patience, shouting, and getting angry becomes less and less a part of your default response and your story.  You are a Renewed Mama.

You can even give yourself a Speak Life Badge that says, I am Patient.  Yes, I know that Speak Life Badges are for kids but sometimes, we like ourselves a good sticker!

So do your children.  When you see them being patient while they wait for your help or being patient for dinner to be ready or helping another sibling when they wanted to run on ahead, celebrate them with a Speak Life Badge that says, I am Patient.