It’s here for you, Mama! The No More Parenting Triggers Solution. Because let’s be real, as parents we get triggered no matter what kind of parent we are. The truth is that when your sweet baby won’t stop crying and you don’t know what she wants, she’s not meaning to trigger you.
When your two year old toddler has a temper tantrum and melts down in the Walmart aisle, he’s not meaning to trigger you. He just doesn’t know yet how to express that he’s hungry, tired, and over stimulated.
When we become parents, most of us don’t think about our past and how that can affect how we respond to our children. Before we know it, we are shouting, annoyed, frustrated, shaming, and punishing all without understanding why we keep responding that way no matter how hard we try to do better.
Mama, let’s talk parenting triggers because there is a solution. We can say No More to the things that trigger us and show up as mother we want to be. Push play to watch.
understand your parenting triggers
Parenting triggers could be when your children are not listening, or they are all talking at the same time and you have something important to say and direction to give. And no one is paying attention.
Other parenting triggers could be when your kids argue or nit-pick each other, if they talk back, or whine.
Maybe your house is always loud and noisy and you just wish from some peace and quiet. Perhaps you’ve drowned it out until all of the sudden you become aware of the noise and the chaos and you shout, “Can you guys just calm down and be quiet? I can’t even hear myself think.”
Maybe it’s temper tantrums and big emotions, the lack of privacy or personal space, or being interrupted when you are talking or working, that sets you off.
What parenting triggers set you off?
It’s important to understand your parenting triggers. Acknowledge the external situations, the “out here, in front of you” triggers that set you off and in turn cause you to shout, lose patience, shame, or send your kids to time out.
Stop yourself before you respond to your kids, and say, “Trigger alert. I realize this is a trigger for me.”
get to the root of the trigger – go fruit to root
Now that you know your parenting triggers, the solution is found in going deeper than just the external situation. You need to get to the deeper root cause of what’s triggering you.
It’s called going Fruit to Root. The fruit is the external trigger and how you respond to it. The Root is the Why?
WHY am I triggered by this? Why when my child whines my default response is to whine back, say, “Don’t talk to me like that,” or push him away?
Why is my default attitude negative when my kids argue and nit-pick? I instantly separate them and say, “You guys can never get along” instead of teaching them how to honor and respect each other so that there is peace in our home. Why is that?
Why am I triggered by this?
Asking “WHY am I triggered by this?” helps you to get to the root of the trigger so that you can deal with it, dig it out, and find a better way to think, to speak, and to respond.
- What happened in your childhood that made you feel this way, think this way, or respond this way?
- Where did you first think or learn this?
- When did you first believe this lie that created this mindset?
- Who did you learn this from? Your mom, dad, a teacher, a grandparent?
Most trauma, pain, right or wrong thinking, beliefs go all the way back to your childhood. Again, I’m not a trauma expert. I’m not a psychologist, so if you need that kind of expert help, please get it.
You know that you are getting to the root when you realize things like, “I remember when….” “I saw my mom or dad respond this way” “This happened on the playground” “I was mistreated by….”
I encourage you to be curious like a detective when asking these questions. It’s like getting to know and understand yourself better. After all these years, why am I still triggered by this? Why am I thinking this way? Why am I saying these words? Why am I responding this way? Not out of criticism but out of curiosity.
re-frame your thinking and retrain your brain
Reframing your thinking means looking at it another way, from another angle or perspective.
Is there another way I can choose to think about this?
Could someone else see this differently? How would another mom respond to this trigger? What would they think? What would they say?
The goal is to re-frame your thinking and replace it with truth. The truth is the exact opposite of defeat, overwhelm, stress, offence, worry. Those are not from God.
Replace the root lie with God’s truth. What does God say about this? Focus on what God says and make a plan for how to respond the next time the trigger happens.
You can retrain your brain. Renewing your mind to the truth is possible. You can have victory and freedom from your past hurts, and not continue giving in to them in your parenting today.
Turn this insight into action
Share in the comments what parenting triggers you experience and how the solution of 1) acknowledging your parenting triggers, 2) getting to the root of why they trigger you, and 3) re-framing your thinking and retraining your brain around those triggers helps you.
For more support in this, I encourage you to listen to three other episodes of the Renewed Mama Podcast.
need more parenting help, mama?
If you need help with what to say to your children, with what you are thinking, and in how you respond, Renewed Mama Coaching is available for you.
We can hop on a coaching chat together and talk through your specific frustrations, what you’ve already tried that isn’t working, and what you can try instead. We will go fruit to root together and help you to think right, to speak right, and to respond right the next time you are triggered.
You don’t have to do it alone. It is so much better working through it together.
Go to RenewedMamaCoaching.com. There are two parent coaching packages available and special bonuses waiting for you. Book two sessions to get you started and get your deepest concern answered right away. You know the thing that keeps you up at night and keeps you frustrated as a Mama.
Or go all in with five sessions where we can go deeper with what you are thinking, speaking, and how you are responding. When you book five sessions, you’ll receive a Speak Life Badges sticker award book to help you to speak right and respond right to your children in a fun with way using the sticker badges.
Get coached now with Renewed Mama Coaching.