Have you ever stopped to evaluate what it is that you think about your kids? Have you found yourself thinking, “Why did they do that again? I’ve told them a thousand times not to…” or “What is wrong with them? Why can’t they…..”
Maybe you’ve whispered or said out loud, “That little monkey. I knew he’d be the one to cause all the trouble.”
“She is a lazy one. She’s only 8 and she already wants to live the life of a teenager. She wants to stay up late and sleep in until 11:00. She already rolls her eyes at me and slams the doors. She knows how to press all my buttons.”
Our thoughts are important because they become the words we speak. Whether we realize it or not, our words do not just speak to the current frustrating situation at hand. Our words also speak to the future of our children. I’m thinking of the classic line, “Even her mom says she is…..” you fill in the blank. It’s as if the words we said to others about our children stay with them. That’s because they do!
I want the words that I think and speak about my children to be good words of truth, hope, and a promise for a good future, even if I’m frustrated or annoyed with them. I want to believe the best about them and speak out what they can become even if I don’t see it yet in their lives.
Here’s a few examples of what we should think and say about our children:
“I believe in you to…”
“I see you. You are important to me, so it is right of me to tell you….”
“I know you to be a friend who loves first and who can be counted on to keep her promise.”
“What would be the right thing for you to do in this? You have made so many good choices in the past. I know you can make the right choice now.”
We need to be willing to stop and think first about the good in our children. Ask, “What is happening right now? What is causing them to behave this way? How can I help them? This isn’t who they are.” Then the words that we choose to speak out will flow from our good, positive thoughts of hope, life, and belief.
The saying goes that “as a man thinks in his heart, so is he.”* If we expect that we can think negative things about our kids but only let kind words come out – you know, not let them know what we are really thinking – then we are mistaken. What is in our heart will come out, guaranteed, in a moment of frustration, anger, or disappointment.
Our words, whether they are thought or spoken out loud, are powerful enough to come to pass. We can speak into existence that which is not yet with our spoken words.* It is vital that we choose words that bless our children, and not curse them, discourage them, and hinder their destiny.
You can empower your kids with your spoken words of life. In fact, your words can produce confidence, focus, vision, teamwork, health, and life in your children. Your words can speak truth over them and break any lies they have believed from school, their peers, and the media.
As you evaluate your thoughts about your kids, share with us the times when you turned your default thoughts to ones that were good and hope-filled. As you guard your words and choose to speak words of potential and affirmation rather than judgment, share with us this, too. Those are two big wins! We want to celebrate you! And we want this to be a safe place to share when we mess up because we want to encourage each other to keep on going with our words of life. You are so important to us.
*Proverbs 23:7; Proverbs 18:21; Romans 4:17