Desperate to get your children to listen without repeating yourself 100 times? My hand is raised with you, Mama. Why am I still reminding myself to give only one direction to my kids at a time? 

Do you have this same flurry of activity around your house? Cleaning up the dinner dishes and folding laundry. “Did I forget to turn on the dishwasher again?!” Listening to the kids’ Minecraft stories and stepping over toys. WHOOO!  We may try to do 101 things at once, but we must remember that our kids cannot.

In our house, bedtime often goes like this…”Hey guys, it’s time to brush your teeth.  Get on your PJS.  Go to the potty.  Did you clean up the Lego?  I don’t want to see this on the island anymore; please put it away.  Put all your books back on the shelf.  What is this clean laundry doing on your bed?” 

All said under less than a minute by me.
All while I’m still scurrying around in the kitchen. 
Shouting to whom exactly?  Probably to the goldfish because the kids are having a dance competition on the trampoline rocking it out to their music on full blast.

Does that sound anything like your house or are we just one-of-a-kind?

GET YOUR CHILDREN TO LISTEN THE FIRST TIME YOU ASK

How do you recruit help to get the job done right away with good attitudes?
How do you speak once and leave the “I’ve told you a 100 times already!” behind?!

Here’s how….STOP!  Stop all the doing.
Look them right in the eye.  Smile.
Say their name.
Give them one direction.
Say it with honour, edification, and full belief that they will do it right away with a good attitude.

It sounds like:
“Would you please be the first one to brush your teeth?”
“I appreciate your help with bedtime by getting dressed in your PJS now.”
“Will you take a moment to pick up all the Lego off the floor? Thank you for doing it with focus. Can you get it done before I’m done with the dishes? Go!”

Use words that speak to the child who likes to be first, who loves to be a helper, or who likes a challenge.

YOU DON’T NEED TO REPEAT YOURSELF 100 TIMES

Doesn’t this already sound peaceful?  There’s no need to shout.  However, while undoing the habit of repeating yourself 100 times, it is necessary to follow up after a minute to two to make sure they have followed through.  Don’t wait five, ten, or fifteen minutes later.  That’s when frustration comes, and you can’t help but want to shout, “I told you ten minutes ago to put away the Lego.  How come it isn’t done yet?”

Try it with me.

STOP! Stop all the doing.
Look them right in the eye. Smile.
Say their name.
Give them one direction.
Say it with honour, edification, and full belief that they will do it right away with a good attitude.

IT’S POSSIBLE! KIDS CAN LISTEN WITHOUT YOU REPEATING YOURSELF 100 TIMES

Use your Speak Life Badges to award them for listening and following directions right away.  Give them a Speak Life Badge prior to them beginning the work to remind them that they can stay focused.  They can use their energy to do great work.

They can wear their Speak Life Badge all day and then save it in their I Am Loved Journal using the badge journal page or on their bulletin board.  The badge journal page is available to download for free HERE.

SHOUTING OR NAGGING ISN’T REQUIRED TO GET YOUR KIDS TO LISTEN

Take the extra minute to acknowledge that they heard your directions.  Ask them to repeat what is expected of them to make sure that they understand what is being asked of them. “Tell me what you are going to do to help Mommy?” “Would you tell me again what you’ll do before our friends get here?”

Teach them to respond to your directions with a “Yes, Mom, I’ll be glad to!”  “Yes, Dad, I’ll be glad to!”

You confirm that they heard you because you stopped what you were doing, said their name, looked them in the eyes, smiled, and given them one direction. You confirm that they know what is expected of them. And now they respond with “Yes, Mom, I’ll be glad to!” 

Remember that there is no need to shout or nag to get your children to do what you want them to do.  When you shout, you go from parent to peer.

You don’t have to raise your voice to get them moving.  Just a simple, matter-of-fact tone that says, “There will be no karate until you do your school work with excellence.  And you will pay me the cost of your missed session.”

“I asked you to do your morning chores.  There will be no afternoon TV until you do your chores each morning without being asked.”

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REMEMBER THAT COMMUNICATING WELL WITH YOUR CHILDREN IS POSSIBLE

Perhaps you try the tips shared in this blog, and nothing seems to change. You can’t understand why your kids won’t listen? How come it still takes nagging and shouting to get them moving? I invite you to explore why they won’t listen one-on-one with me through Renewed Mama Coaching. You’ll toss out what isn’t working and learn the best way to communicate with your kids. Book a chat now at renewedmamacoaching.com.